Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Cultural Wasteland
Goal #2 (besides milking a cow)-- I decided I need to save every penny I earn to get that house on the Eastern Shore. For those of you who may not know this, Andy and I have been promised first dibs on a home near his parent's house from a friend of theirs. I guess she plans on moving in 1-2 years, which will give me plenty of time to get cracking! Andy and I were thinking of turning it into a commune for only interesting people--or at least a place for people who have thought of moving to Canada because they are so pissed off about this country and the fools running it. I still am not sure if I plan to run to the northern border or have hope that there will be a huge cultural renaissance in this country real soon. The whole thing is way too depressing to think about. I really have a hard time talking about this. The only analogy I can think to describe this mode of thinking of is when I was lving in Taiwan and one of my friend's wanted his sundae on a cone. The person behind the counter told him there was no button for that, so it wasn't an option. Sometimes it just can't be explained or understood--sometimes people are just coming from totally different places and they won't ever understand the other. That is how I feel about my place in America--I'm the one wanting the sundae...you can guess the rest. I used to be so involved in political campaigns, protests and the like, but I have a bit too much anger to find purpose in this type of action today. Our cultural values in as a whole in the cuontry have become so skewed. I wonder if we can ever turn back. I don't ever plan to join "them" either. Maybe I'll become the next Maya Angelou and write poetry as a cathartic exercise. I don't think I'll feel like this forever because I care too much, but this is how I feel for now.
davisjm1 at 8:41 PM
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Insanity is Many Steps....
Well, the time is drawing near for Andy and I to be moving along here. Although I am moving to the East Coast, it still isn't New England but awfully darn close. Finding new places will be great--ethnic restaurants, shops, antique/ flea markets, and new tea shops! (Check out www.teamaps.com)! I've been to all of the Tea Shops in Arizona except for one. I plan to do the same in Maryland...
I don't have much to share today---will come back to this another day.
davisjm1 at 12:11 PM
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Quadriplegic
I was driving into work today when I heard on NPR a story about a man who was born as a Quad and had a friend that became one later in life--after a motorcyle accident. He was reflecting on this friend's recent death and commenting on the speakers at his friend's funeral. I guess everyone was thinking he would be able to walk in heaven because everyone, including his friend, thought his disability was so horrible. He was born with his disability and said it was more of a motivator that a punishment. He said he never knew how to respond to his friend when he was asked how he could deal with his disability. He thought he never had aspirations to ride a motorcyle, go bungee-jumping or any other activity that required legs or arms. He had other aspirations. He was still going to be in a wheelchair in Heaven (if there was a Heaven)because that is who he was and was happy being.I was sharing this story with a co-worker and she responded by telling me about the client she just visited this past morning. He is blind from a stroke and he has an active mind, travels, and has a positive outlook on life. He would bring her back books from art gallery viewings and samples of foods from his travels. To make a long story short--it made me think back on this NPR story. I guess I've always been of the mind-set that you had to have an interesting life--I guess it is an obsession. I don't think that each of us has a destiny--accidents happen that we can't control, but who we are as people will reveal how we respond to our given situations. Here on Earth or in "Heaven" or wherever I go next, there will be things that may change from what I've planned for myself, but you keep moving forward and continually work to make the road more interesting.
I never thought of it this way, but my worse fear would be to look back on my life 10, 20, 30 plus years and say, "Well, I always wanted to do 'x'" or "I wished I went to 'x' , but.."
I don't want a life that others dream up or I just accept because it takes less effort to do anything else. I just better not get hit by a bus--I have too much to do!
davisjm1 at 6:49 PM
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Hi my name is______. I am a ________.
Well, I've been reading the thoughts of others on these "blogs" for some time now. At some moments I am critical of what I read, at others contemplative, and for some that I read I am just impressed by the honesty of that person--the way they share their inner thoughts to a group of strangers. Initally, I had trouble understanding why people do this or I wondered, would you have to be an ego-maniac to think any one really gives a shit? That is the cynical side of myself. I remember being in this philosophy class in college, thoughts being thrown about the classroom on a passage found within the Tibetan Boook of the Dead (by the way, one of my favorite texts). The first few weeks everyone was really involved and open-minded, but as weeks passed enthusiasm waned and it appeared people were annoyed and thinking, "Does this person really think this?" I am going to play both sides here--this week I care and maybe you will too. It could be in a few weeks of reading this thing and you'll think--"What's the point?"--"Does she really think this shit?" Yes and no.
Here's the positive side of myself thinking the following: This may be the one place where it is easier to be judged by strangers, where friends who care take note of your thoughts periodically and "check-in" to how you're doing. It may also be a place where curiosity sets in and we just read to judge. I want to use this space to "check-in" to what's going on inside my head and I hope I get to hear what you're thinking. My purpose for starting this is for all of the above and one additional reason. I guess I am going to treat this like an AA meeting. It is my opportunity to stand before my friends, those strangers who may come upon this Blog, and to hold myself accountable for all the things that go on in my brain and for all the things I say I am going to do in my life. I don't want to sound"trite" when I write this but I find myself getting further away from accountability as possible. It is one thing to think you'll do something, it is another to do it. Each week or month I am going to take responsiblity for something, update those who care, and be held responsible for the words I write and the commitments I make.
Commitment #1
Lose Weight. My first task will be a selfish one. I think I nearly fell on the floor when I get on the scale today. I wish I had stepped on it about 6 months ago. I am having a Kirstie Alley moment. I am not going to start a show on "Fat Actresses" or anything. I am just going to say--Hey I'm fat and I'm going to fix it. Plain and Simple. I refuse to shop at Lane Bryant. I should be going into cardiac arrest or something, but I'm still here and I need to get off my fat ass. Signed up for Weight Watchers and here I go...Day 1 is tomorrow....30 lbs to go to reach goal! This sucks!
davisjm1 at 7:40 PM